Stage Fright
by blakes8th
Summary: This could turn out to be a birthday she would never forget.


Stage Fright

Disclaimer: New tricks belongs to the BBC, Sandra Pullman and Robert Strickland belong to the BBC. If they were mine, they'd have way more fun.

Rating T.

Episode: Final curtain. First part of the story comes straight from the episode, with a little bit of fleshing out.

This story and 'oh what a circus' can both be prequals to 'missing dog', but all three can stand alone.

Sandra sat at her desk, absentmindedly staring at her computer screen. She felt a little bit silly for even expecting Gerry and Brian to remember her birthday. Jack would have, he'd have made sure they remembered. She started slightly as she heard a knock at the door.

"Morning Sandra." DAC Robert Strickland said cheerily as he entered her office.

"Morning Sir." She tried to muster up some cheer of her own.

"Happy birthday." He added, smiling at her. It caught her slightly off guard. They had been on slightly friendlier terms of late, but is still surprised her that he knew.

"Thank you." She smiled. He smiled back shyly, before regaining his composure. The look she had given him when he had remembered the date had thrown him through a loop, he suddenly remembered the reason for being here. He put the book he was carrying under his arm on the table. She picked it up.

"Oh! Thank you. Catherine Austin?" She was puzzled at the randomness of the gift.

"She's the ex soap actress, used to play Maggie Daws in 'home county'." He explained, she was still none the wiser. She forced a smile.

"Excellent! Well thank you very much, that's very kind of you." She tried to sound excited, at least he had remembered. He looked confused for a moment, before he realised his mistake.

"Oh no no, it's not a present, it's a case." He corrected her, feeling a bit of a fraud. He saw an embarrassed look flash across her face, she covered it instantly.

"Oh right." She felt so foolish. Why on earth had she imagined he would buy her a present, I mean, she didn't even know when his birthday was.

"I've got two others for your team," He paused, he knew he was about to touch a sore subject. "Look, Sandra. God knows everyone feels terrible about what happened to Jack. Hanson never should have walked. Everyone knows that..."

"But?" She interupted. 'Here we go' she thought.

"But." He continued, "At the end of the day you cannot ignore Jack's subsequent behaviour. You can't just take time off without clearing it. Whatever the circumstances."

"No room for sentiment, Eh." She couldn't keep the contempt from her voice. He was used to that.

"No, there's no room for unproffessionalism in any of your team." He noticed her glance over his shoulder. No doubt the others were up to something, probably making wanker or dickhead gestures at him through the window. He fought the urge to turn and look. Sandra prayed Strickland wouldn't turn around and see Brian and Gerry playing head tennis with a ball of paper. She realised he had started talking again. "UCOS's reputation has been somewhat tarnished recently to say the least. If the unit is to be taken seriously again we have to start proving it's worth." He hoped she would catch the fact he had said 'we'.

"We will." She insisted. She was still glancing over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I've no doubt." He was out of fight now. Whatever the boys were up to behind his back was obviously more important than what he had to say.

He turned to leave, making a show of turning the door handle to give the boys a chance to cover their tracks.

"Oh sir!" She stopped him from leaving. She saw the boys scrabble to get back into their seats. "About my birthday. I think the boys have forgotten and I'd rather it stayed that way." She didn't want the boys to realise that they had forgotten, they would feel bad enough about that, then to realise that Strickland had remembered, that would make it ten times worse. He smiled at her.

"Of course. Have you got any plans to celebrate?" He asked. She shook her head.

"No." She said quietly. She smiled at him, trying to mask her disappointment. Robert decided to take the plunge, he had already got reservations at the hottest restaurant in the city, and there was a bouqet of flowers already on the way. He had ordered them days ago to arrive here. He hoped she would say yes to his invitation this time, she had knocked him back several times in the past, but this was different, it was a birthday treat, not a dinner date. He took a deep breath, then cursed under his breath as there was a knock at the door and James practically fell into the office. Damn the boy's timing, another minute and he'd have asked her. Now he would have to wait until later. He looked up as he heard James mumbling a rushed apollogy, then he heard the 'Hello' he had given Sandra. He felt an illogical rush of anger as the young userper locked his sights on the woman in front of them, then his heart sank when he heard her replied 'hello' in that same flirty manner. She had never used that tone on him.

He carried on the rest of the briefing on automatic, trying to ignore the suggestive looks that James and Sandra were throwing at each other. He had introduced James as his nephew, but the truth was that he hardly knew the boy, he had only just met him himself. Robert had only seen his brother Henry a handful of times in the last thirty years, and he hadn't met any of his brother's children before this week, when James had turned up in his office, and introduced himself. He knew full well that James wasn't interested in him as an Uncle, only in what he could get out of having a DAC as a relation.

Eventually he was able to excuse himself and beat a retreat back too his office. Nobody really noticed him go, Sandra was intreagued by this new developement, another Strickland. She knew he had children, but to have a nephew on the force, well she thought he would have mentioned it before. He was very good looking, and although his accent was similar to his Uncle's, it lacked the formality of the older man's. His manner was much more relaxed as well, she wondered if their Strickland had ever been like that, or had he always been so regimented.

The next couple of hours passed fairly uneventfully, some witnesses were interviewed, and they started to unravel some of the lies which entwined the case. Sandra was perched on Jack's desk, looking at the whiteboard, when a constable arrived with a beautiful arrangement of flowers in a vase. She grinned from ear to ear as she carried them into her office. This day was definately looking up, she had a dinner date with James set for later, and the boys now knew they had forgotten her birthday. She put the flowers on her desk and took the card. Before looking at it she tried to guess who had sent them. The boys had only found out about her birthday twenty minutes before, and that was the time she had accepted James' invitation, so it couldn't have been any of them. Her Mum maybe, but Grace had told her that she had her present at Whitemead, and that she'd get it on Sunday, besides, sending flowers just wasn't Grace's style.

Suddenly she had a thought. Jack! Wherever he was, he must have remembered and had these sent. She grinned and opened the card. Her heart stopped for a moment as she read it. 'Everybody deserves something beautiful on their birthday. Especially you. R.S'. She looked at the flowers, they really were stunning, and the card, it was definately his handwriting, the graceful, looped text was unmistakeable. He couldn't have phoned for them today then, they must have been ordered in person, which meant he really was the only person to have made any effort for her birthday. She was confused. Her team had teased her in the past, they had told her that he 'fancied' her. He had asked her out on several occasions but she had always turned him down, her team really didn't like him, and at times he could be very hard to get on with. She didn't want to start any conflict within her unit. Saying that, there were a few occasions when she had been tempted to accept.

She smiled to herself, the flowers a bright point in her office, lost in thought she didn't hear the outer office door open and close. She started slightly as she felt a light touch on her shoulder. She turned and looked straight into the eyes of the man she had been thinking of.

"Penny for them?" He smiled.

"Just thinking how beautiful they are. Thank you so much." She beamed at him, her smile lighting up the office. He felt the warmth of it melt the cold which had become a part of his life, he decided this was the moment.

"Would you allow me to take you to dinner this evening?" He asked. His stomach sank as she looked away from him.

"I'm sorry. I've got plans now, if you had asked me an hour ago..." She trailed off as she saw a wave of despair wash across his features, then in an instant it was gone, his usual expression back in place.

"Never mind, another time maybe. Did the other's finally remember?" He tried to lighten the mood, it wasn't her fault he was bloody useless.

"Eventually, after some prodding, it was James who got the ball rolling. Your nephew is very charming, and persuasive." The moment she said it, she realised she had made a mistake. His face clouded over, his features turning to stone in front of her, he started to retreat from her office.

"He must take after his Father, at least he didn't get my useless genes." His tone was light, and he smiled at her, but she could see the hurt in his eyes. "Excuse me." Before she could say anything, he was gone. She closed her eyes.

"Shit. Shit. Shit!" She exclaimed.

"Steady on." Brian's voice came from her door, he and Gerry must have just returned as Strickland had left. "Has he been having a go?" He indecated with his thumb over his shoulder, "He went out of here like a bat out of hell. Eh up! Who sent them?"

"A friend." Was all she could say. She felt like she had just kicked a puppy, she looked up as Gerry came in.

"Bloody hell, they must have cost a fortune. 'James' was it." Gerry asked in a teasing voice. Sandra rolled her eyes.

"No it wasn't, if you must know they're from the DAC."

"What? Strickers had those delivered here for you. Flash git. Just cause we all forgot." Gerry whinged.

"For your information, he didn't forget. He wished me happy birthday first thing this morning. And he didn't order these over the phone, he ordered them in person, he's hand written the card. ." She couldn't explain why she felt the need to defend him, except that she was feeling guilty for hurting his feelings. Gerry grinned.

"See, I told you he fancies you. Just don't let on your going out with the younger better looking version." Gerry winked, Brian let out a small chuckle.

"Oh shut up and get back to work." She couldn't talk about this right now. She would have to go and see him later, try to mend what she had broken.

The next day was even worse. The 'date' had been an utter disaster, Sandra had felt like she had been babysitting. She hadn't even been able to get any information out of James about his uncle, it seems he only just met him a week ago. James had been very reluctant to talk about his family at all, prefering to talk about himself and how he was going to take the world of forensics by storm. All she had been able to think about was the man who she could have been sat here with, who had made more effort on her birthday than anyone else, and who was probably sat at home in misery thanks to her.

The evening had ended at the resaurant door, she had made her own way home and immediately sought solace in a bottle of wine, she had tried phoning Robert, but there was no answer on his home number, and his mobile just kept on sending her to the answering machine. She hadn't left him a message, she couldn't figure out what to say that could possibly make him feel any better. She just kept on looking at the flowers, now on her coffee table, and the look on Robert's face when she had turned him down, yet again.

She hadn't seen him all day. She knew he was at work, his car was parked in its usual place, but he hadn't bothered coming down to the office. She found she had missed him, missed his sideways looks, and dry sarcasm. After making a few casual inqueries, she found out that he had hardly left his office all day.

Just after lunch, she was sat in her office reading through the evidence they had already uncovered, she heard the outer door open, she looked up hopefully, but realised it was only Brian and Gerry returning from lunch. She felt an illogical sense of dissappointment. Gerry was laughing and joking about something, she heard Brian.

"Gettaway! What Strickers! Nah, they're 'aving you on." She got up and joined them.

"What?" She asked. Gerry turned to her.

"I was chatting to Mick Jenkins, you know, he's with the dog squad. He told me, he had to go and see Strickland earlier to get him to sigh off on some training course. He says the boss is nursing a walloping hangover. Who'd have thought it eh." Gerry was like a kid in a sweet shop. "Not only that, but Mick says that he was working in the garage yesterday afternoon, and Strickers came down to speak to Tom, you know, the kid in the car pool, the one who got engaged last week?" Sandra and Brian nodded. "He told Tom to take his girl to dinner, he had reservations for two at Izi's. That place is impossible to get into, there's a waiting list for bookings. Looks like he got stood up and decided to have a session instead." Sandra felt sick, that's why he hadn't answered his phone, he'd been trying to find the bottom of a bottle. She heard the others chuckling. She knew they wern't being cruel on purpose, that if they knew the reason for his slip, they wouldn't be making jokes at his expense. She gathered herself together.

"Come on, lets get this case put to bed." She needed to get this finished, then she needed to see him.

"Oi!" Gerry took off after James. He didn't stand a chance, it was like the rabbit trying to catch the grayhound. She and Brian laughed at the photo, Gerry looked so sweet.

"Well that explains how he knows so much about the theatre." She laughed.

"I'm going to get this blown up. Eh! It'll make a good screensaver for the computers all over the station." Brian grinned. Gerry came back panting.

"Little buggers a bit spry. Where's the photo?"

"Safe." Said Brian.

"No come on, give it back."

"What's it worth."

"You're going to blackmail me?" Gerry looked at Brian in shock.

"Oh, not for money. You can have it back if you make the tea for a month." Brian set his chin.

"Deal. Now give it back."

"Oh no, after the month is up."

"What? You don't trust me?"

"No."

Sandra chuckled at the exchange, she finished her drink and turned to her boys.

"I've got something I've got to do. I'll see you two tomorrow." She told them.

They were still arguing as she left. It didn't take her long to get to Strickland's house. She had never been here before, she had got his address from the personel department. She pulled into his driveway and parked alongside his merc. She knocked at the door, several times but there was no answer, she went around the side of the house, through the side gate and around the back. There was a patio with a double set of patio doors, the light was flooding out through the open blinds. She approached and looked in, Robert Strickland was sat on his white leather sofa, staring at the half empty bottle of whiskey. He leaned forward and sipped from the full glass on the table, and took a drag from the cigarette which Sandra suddenly noticed in his hand. Since when did he smoke! She tapped on the glass to get his attention. He looked up at the noise, concern crossed his features, he stood and made his way over, unlocking the door and sliding it open.

"Is everything alright?" He asked, his voice full of concern. She smiled at him.

"You tell me. I havn't seen you all day, and there is a nasty rumour running around the station that you've been nursing a hangover. And since when did you smoke?" She indecated the cigarette in his hand, about to drop it's ash all over his polished wood floor. He looked at it in disgust.

"I used to smoke. Gave it up twenty years ago. I bought a pack on my way home, Christ knows why?" He stubbed it out in the conifer pot by the door. He went back inside, inviting her to follow him. "Would you like something to drink? I've got a bottle of white in the fridge." She followed him through to the open plan kitchen. She noticed that he was slightly sluring his words, and as he was swaying as he walked.

"If it's alright, I wouldn't mind a coffee." She said. He nodded and flicked the switch on the kettle, she watched him as he bustled about making the hot drink. She decided to take the bull by the horns. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." He stopped what he was doing and turned to her.

"It wasn't your fault. If I'd have got my act together and asked you earlier..." He trailed off. He handed her the coffee, and picked up his glass, draining it. He returned to the sofa, sitting down heavily, he refilled his glass. Sandra was worried, Robert was normally so controlled, it was quite scary to see him in this state, she realised he must be more inebriated than he looked.

"Still, I feel bad. I didn't choose him over you, you know.." She needed him to know why she had chosen to have dinner with James.

"It's alright. I understand. When you buy a new car, you don't buy the old model, you pick the new one, more mod cons and less miles on the clock." He shrugged. Sandra was starting to get annoyed.

"That's not it." She demanded, "If you must know, I felt sorry for him. Gerry and Brian were giving him a hard time, and I was angry at them for forgetting my birthday. I'm sorry you had to give away our reservations, and I'm sorry you feel the need to sit here feeling sorry for yourself and get pissed, but don't for one second think I chose to go for dinner with your nephew because he's younger than you. Now, I'll let you get back to your wallowing." She stood and picked up her handbag, and headed back towards the patio door to leave.

"Sandra! Please, wait." His voice stopped her. She smiled slightly to herself. She had gambled that he wouldn't let her leave like that. She put her annoyed face back in place and turned back to face him.

"What is it with you and your family? James said he hadn't even met you before last week, how come?" She wanted answers, "I've never seen you fall apart like this, not even when you went through your divorce."

"Just because you havn't seen it, doesn't mean it hasn't happened before." He drained his glass again. She sat down next to him, and put her hand over his, stopping him from refilling it. He smiled at her, "I'll spend a couple of days getting pissed, then I'll pull myself together. This isn't the first time, and I know my limits, I won't get so far gone as to do myself an injury."

"Will you talk to me? Please." She practically begged him. He ran his hand through his hair, sighing.

"This sort of thing has happened before. Only in the past, it's always been my brother. Now it seems his offspring have picked up the mantle." She squeezed his hand, encouraging him to continue. "My Father died when I was five. Henry is ten years older than me, our Mother always favoured him over me, he was the golden child, never doing any wrong, and he took every opportunity to re-enforce that, getting me into trouble every chance he could, until I was basically a shadow, sitting in the background, waiting to be noticed. Only I never was. He used to delight in taking things off me, toys, pets, affection, even girlfriends. I left home at eighteen and never looked back. I didn't even see my brother until my wife left me for another man."

"Did he come to offer support to you?" She asked. He chuckled, but there was no humour in the sound.

"No, he was the other man." Sandra was horrified, suddenly things were starting to make sense. "You see, I come from a very old, and well off family, my wife thought she was marrying into the Cavendish millions. She was gutted when she found out I was estranged from the lot of them. She got in touch with them behind my back 'on my behalf'. Seems she found another way to get to the family money." He couldn't keep the bitterness from his voice. He refilled his glass, she didn't stop him this time.

"What about your children?" She asked softly. He rubbed a hand across his eyes, and gestured to a photo above the fireplace. She saw it was him and two children, a boy and a girl, aged about nine and seven. He was laughing and the children had their arms around his neck.

"That was taken two years ago. It was the last time I saw them. They have all moved to miami now. I tried to visit a few times, but it was never convenient for them, now they won't even take my phone calls. Kaye says it's too confusing for them. They call Henry 'Dad' now."

"He took your family from you?" She was realising how much pain he must have been hiding from them. Robert nodded.

"Then James rolled in from nowhere, wanting a piggyback up the ladder into forensics, and he carries on the family tradition." She concluded. "Only he didn't steal me from you."

"I know, you were never mine to take." He interupted sadly. His voice was slower now, and his eyes heavy. Sandra realised the whiskey had taken effect.

"Why don't you go to bed. You look like you could do with a good night's sleep." She took the glass from him and helped him stand, she helped him get to his room and into bed. She didn't bother even trying to undress him, the whiskey had taken full effect and he had become dead weight, he had practically been asleep before his head hit the pillow. She pulled the covers over him and sat on the side of his bed watching him for a moment, she knew it had been the whiskey talking to her tonight, if he hadn't been for that, she was sure he would never have told her his story. He would have been cheerful and forgiving, made some jokes and laughed the last couple of days away.

She pulled the door up, leaving it open slightly. then she went back downstairs and cleared away the glass, bottle and other debris, she was a bit torn, she knew that he probably wouldn't remember what had happened this evening, not in detail anyway, so if she just cleared up and left, he would never know he had spilled his private life to her. Yet she didn't want to just leave him, he was a bit worse for wear, and she felt the need to stay close in case he needed her.

She couldn't explain this new need to take care of him. He had been a friend to her recently, when she had found out the truth about her Father's death. And when he had remembered her birthday, that had been the turning point for her, she had felt a warm glow in the pit of her stomach. And the flowers had made her feel special, loved. She made her decision, she locked the doors and turned all the lights off, pulling the fleecy throw off the back of the sofa, she arranged the cusions, slipped her shoes off, and settled down for the night. She fell asleep wondering what the morning would bring.

Robert came awake with a start, he wasn't sure what had woken him, all he knew was his head was killing him and he had no idea how he had gotten to bed. He pushed back the covers and swung his legs out of bed. He looked down at himself in disgust, he was still in his clothes, and he felt like shit. He stood carefully and stripped off his clothes making his way in the dark to his en-suit, he relieved himself and decided a quick shower might clear his mind. He knew he had forgotten something, it was there, in his mind, but he just couldn't place it. He had a brief shower and wandered back into his bedroom, towelling himself dry. He threw the towel over the end of his bed and rubbed his eyes, his head was throbbing, and it felt like a small animal had nested in his mouth. He remembered opening a bottle of whiskey, not much else. Christ knows why he hit the whiskey, he knew it gave him the hangover from hell, and it also made him melancholy, he should have known better.

He glanced at the clock, three am, he decided to get a drink of water, and take some painkillers, maybe he would be able to get back to sleep. He looked around for his shorts, but then thought 'sod it' it wasn't as if he could be done for indecent exposure in his own home, anyway, the cool air on his skin was helping to keep him alert.

He padded downstairs through the lounge, to the kitchenette. He flicked the light on, grabbed a glass off the side and turned on the tap. Suddenly a mop of blonde hair bobbed up from the other side of his sofa.

"Wassup." It said sleepily. Robert practically choked on the water. Sandra came awake and found herself staring at a naked DAC Robert Strickland. "Bloody hell!" She exclaimed, closing her eyes. He scrabbled around and grabbed a book off the side and covered his nakedness. She opened her eyes then couldn't help giggling. "That's really not helping." She told him. He looked down and flushed bright red, he had grabbed a recipe book entitled 'meat and two veg, easy menu's for men' the picture on the front was a sausage and two strategically placed tomatos. One of his friends had bought it for him as a joke to cheer him up after his divorce. He grabbed the hand towel and exchanged it for the book, he had to hold it in place as it was too small to tuck in on itself. Sandra stood and streched.

"What time is it?" She asked, brushing her fingers through her hair.

"About three."He croaked, the words drying up in his throat, he was fairly sure she hadn't realised the top button on her red blouse had come undone, giving him a tantalising glimpse of her black bra. He closed his eyes, his head was still throbing and he couldn't string two thoughts together. He jumped when he felt a soft touch on his arm.

"Are you alright?" She asked, the concern in her voice pulling at him.

"Headache." Was all he could manage. He opened his eyes and looked at her. He smiled sheepishly. "Shouldn't drink whiskey, it makes me wallow, and leaves me with a bad head."

"Where do you keep the painkillers?" She asked him. He indecated to the overhead cupboard nearest to her with his one free hand, the other keeping a death grip on the towel. She reached up, exposing her lower back, her tight jeans accentuating her curves. He closed his eyes again and groaned, trying his best to think of anything but the image of her backside in those tight pale blue jeans. She heard his groan and looked back over her shoulder, she didn't realise his headache was that bad. Then she noticed his eyes were clamped shut and he had a bead of sweat on his upper lip, she also saw a slight movement of the towel which he was desperately trying to cover himself with. 'Oh my!' She thought, blushing. She realised she had two options, she could pass him the asperin which she had just found, and get out of there like a bat out of hell, and hope that they could just forget this was happening and go back to the way things had been this morning. Or she could throw caution to the wind and see where this could lead. She turned and faced him, still standing there with his eyes closed. She had to admire his body, he had kept himself trim, and for the first time she looked at him as a man, not as a boss. She got two tablets out of the bottle and reached for his unoccupied hand. He started slightly and opened his eyes, she put the two little white pills in his open palm then reached for the glass of water. He knocked them back, and accepted the water, drinking it down, the look in her eyes making it hard to concentrate, the usual pale blue had darkened, and they were sparkling, her face was slightly flushed. The effect it was having on him was not going to stay hidden by the towel for long.

She reached up and brushed the back of her hand aong his jawline, his slight stubble tickling her fingers. He gulped , his Adam's apple bobbing up and down nervously.

"Do you remember what we talked about tonight?" She asked. He shook his head. "I told you that I did not choose your nephew over you, I only went for dinner with him because the others were making fun of him, and I felt sorry for him." She moved her other hand to the other side of his face, "He's young and immature, and he isn't even half the man you are." She tilted her face up to his and captured his mouth with hers. He responded gently, unable to resist. Eventually he pulled back slightly.

"God Sandra, do you have any idea what you do to me?" He whispered. She smiled and pressed against him.

"Some idea, yes." She grinned. He smiled back shyly.

"If you are sure. I'm not in this for a quick shag, you must know how I feel about you.." He was silenced by her fingers on his lips.

"Shhh, I know. I don't know how this will work out, and I don't know how we will manage at the office, but I do know that something has changed tonight, and we can't go back to the way we were..." This time she was silenced as he slipped his arms around her and pulled her into another kiss, this one a deep bone melting kiss which made her legs turn to jelly. She ran her hand down his back, to his now exposed backside, the towel having fallen to the floor, he groaned.

"Bedroom?" He suggested, she shook her head.

"Too far, your couch is very comfy." She insisted. He smiled and they kissed their way over to the sofa, where the last several years of frustration and sexual tension came pouring out in their first, unforgettable union.

She awoke as the first rays of light filtered in through the blinds, she was snuggled with her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her in a fierce embrace. She could feel the light hairs tickling her cheek as his steady breathing made his chest rise and fall, his heart beating a steady rate in her ear, she was sure her own heart was keeping perfect time with his. She remembered their first frantic joining, and then the slow, mind blowing encore, before he had wrapped them both in the throw, neither of them inclined to move any further than they had to. She tilted her head back so she could see his face, it amazed her how she could have missed this for so long, but then maybe she hadn't been ready before. She knew it wasn't going to be easy. She had no idea how or when she was going to tell her team, though she had a pretty good idea how they were going to react. And Robert's superiors may have something to say as well. But as she lay here in his arms she realised one thing.

It would all be worth it.


End file.
